With the Hard Rock Café now being open in downtown

Minneapolis, I figure I can make a killing. I’ll take my old

vinyl out and: 1) Practice signing “Albert Bouchard,” “Ian

Gillan,” “Derek St. Johns,” and “Dale Peters”; 2) Buy

some album cover frames at Restoration Hardware; and

3) Drive out to suburban Bennigan’s, Chile’s, and TGI

Friday’s franchises and sell my signed, framed albums to

places that have lost business to the Hard Rock and are

looking to compete for customers who think rock ‘n’ roll is

something you look at on the walls while eating cheese

fingers.

Then I’ll go blow my winnings on drinks in the Entry.

Face.